Counterintuitive patterns hiding in 857 sessions of data. These are the things the textbooks don't tell you.
The Thursday Curse
Thursday is the ONLY weekday averaging negative returns (−0.17%). FOMC decisions fall on Wednesdays, making Thursday the reflexive 'second-guess' sell day. Many earnings also drop Thursday evening, adding pre-weekend risk. Avoid levered long positions into Thursday close.
Banking Panics Are Buy Signals
The 3 banking crisis days in this dataset averaged +0.96% — the 4th best event type. Markets have learned to price Fed backstops before the FDIC even finishes its press release. The crisis itself is the buy signal.
Best & Worst Days Were 24 Hours Apart
Apr 8 2025 (−5.04%) and Apr 9 2025 (+12.14%) are consecutive trading sessions — the worst and best days in 857 sessions. The 17.2pp swing in 48 hours is the largest 2-day whipsaw in the entire dataset. Both were driven by a single tweet.
IPO Days Are Bad for Existing Tech
On IPO days, QQQ averages −0.20%. The hype flows to the new listing while capital drains from existing holdings. The more exciting the IPO, the more existing tech gets sold to fund allocations. IPO days are 'sell the existing, buy the new' events.
AI Events: Great Win Rate, Modest Returns
AI events average +0.46% — roughly what two average Mondays return combined. The 89% win rate is exceptional, but the magnitude is unimpressive. AI news is priced in faster than it moves the index. The exception: NVDA earnings, which land differently than product launches.
Fed Decisions Are Pure Noise
Perfect 7-7 coin flip across 14 Fed meetings. The biggest single Fed day loss (−3.5%, Dec 2024) came from a HOLD decision — not a hike or cut. One word in the statement ('patient', 'data-dependent', 'restrictive') moves the market more than the actual rate decision.
The DeepSeek Monday Exception
Jan 27 2025 broke two statistical rules simultaneously: it was both an AI event AND a Monday — yet QQQ fell −3.8%. The only AI event to go negative, and one of the worst Mondays in the dataset. Cheap AI models threatening NVDA's moat triggered a semiconductor-led selloff.
Macro Data Hurts Tech More Than Broad Market
On macro data days, SPY outperforms QQQ by an average of 0.39%. Every hot CPI print triggers a rotation from growth stocks (QQQ) into defensives and value (SPY). This QQQ-SPY spread is the most reliable tech-vs-value signal in the dataset — bigger than any single event type.